Bogdan Kamuta is a United-States-ian immigrant who doesn’t know how to mind his own business. For example, he doesn’t think the conversations he overhears in Lisbon’s more central public spaces should be predominantly in English — which, he’s noticed, they increasingly are.
To prevent the eaves of his mind from collapsing irremediably, Bogdan has decided to keep a record of the things he hears. The violations of privacy that follow have not been edited in any way, shape, or form.
Beiral Terminal…
Man 1 (breathing purposefully, in non-descript accent): “Hhhuh… phoo…huhhh… shhh-oo…… pfff… hhhoooofff… hhhuh… oofffff… hhuh!… oooffshhh-sh……. phwaa…. hhhhh…. “
3 seconds of silence.
Man 1: “Huh..! aaahhh…hhhuh… phew…… sshhhh-e-e-w…. phwah-h-a-oo-oo… hm… h-m-m…! hhoohh-ha-a-ah…”
5 seconds of silence.
Man 2 (in non-descript accent): “Khm-khhmm…MMM-HMM-mm..! phew….”
2 seconds of silence.
Man 1: “phoo-ooh— shhh-hm-eew…ooh… OOF…!”
1 second of silence.
Man 1: “—hh-a-a-AAF-F…! p-ph-w-aa… ssh-h-hew-w……. phwa-oooh….”
Man 3 enters sauna; 5 seconds of silence.
Man 2 (in Portuguese, to Man 3): “Como é que é, pá?”
Man 3 (in Portuguese, to Man 2): “Meu, tenho comido o ano todo…”
Man 1: “Ph-phe-e-ew… hoo-oo-aa-AAH… hooh… ssh-sh-shh-heee-aaw…. hhuh…”
Man 2: “— duas ou três copos, de tinto… todas as noites, pá…”
Man 1 continues breathing purposefully.
Man 2 and Man 3 discuss how much sugary stuff they’ve had since Christmas, how much Man 2’s wife drinks, and how many coffees (and when) and glasses of red wine (with dinner) you should have throughout the day/week/year, in Portuguese, for the next seven minutes straight.
Bogdan Kamuta exits.
Not-so-high-end sauna downtown, Tuesday, 14h58-15h06
Feliz Natal(ish) (Dec 24, 2025)
Man 1 (slight French accent): “No, but — why did you mention your mother?”
Man 2 (slight, non-descript Scandinavian accent): “What…? Oh, it’s because her name — Natalya.”
Man 1: “Oh… ok, yea…”
3 seconds of silence.
Man 1: “Yea, no, but like I was saying… It’s a very common name in France. Nathalie, I mean… but, you know, same thing…”
Man 2: “Ya.”
Man 1: “And, so, then, they — we — have a Nathalie day.”
Man 2: “Oh?”
Man 1: “Yea. And not everybody knows it… But we have these, like — how do you say? Name days?”
Man 2: “Oh, yea. Yes. Us too.”
Man 1: “Yeah, man… and because it’s my sister’s name, I know that Nathalie day — it’s on July 27th.”
Man 2: “A-ha…”
4 seconds of silence.
Man 1: “And, so, yea — every year, July 27th, I tell all the girls named Nathalie — and Natalia, and so on — I congratulate them… ‘Happy Nathalie Day,’ you know?”
Man 2: “Ha!”
Man 1: “Yeah. And, like, yeah — they’re always, like, surprised, you know… That I know that, I mean… it’s great…”
5 seconds of silence.
Man 2: “Ya…”
Not-so-high-end sauna downtown, Thursday, 16h33-16h35
Man 3 (slight British accent): “Oh, cool, man. Good for you.”
Man 4 (slight Portuguese accent): “Thanks, man. Yea, it’s been — what — two months now?”
Man 3: “So how old, where’s she from?”
Man 4: “Aaw, man. 26.”
Man 3: “Damn… A bit young, _____, no?”
Man 4: “You think so? No… Well, yeah, ok… But, hey — you know me, right?”
Man 3 and 4 laugh; 5 seconds of silence.
Man 4: “No, but yea, so… I mean, we were like arguing — she’s always arguing — and it got to that point where I was like, ok, I just agree, you know?”
Man 3: “Oh yeah… been there… Safer that way, right?”
Man 4: “Ooh yeah…”
Man 3 and 4 laugh slightly; 6 seconds of silence.
Man 3: “And are you guys, like, exclusive? Or is she seeing other people?”
Man 4: “Oh, I don’t know. Probably. But I don’t ask, you know…”
Man 3: “Oh?”
Man 4: “Well, yeah, because, like, I mean… I want to be able to f.ck other girls, so… and if I ask…”
3 seconds of silence.
Man 3: “Yeah…”
5 seconds of silence.
Man 3: “Where from?”
Man 4: “Ukraine…”
Man 3: “Oh, nice.”
Man 4: “Yeah… Nathalie…”
3 seconds of silence.
Man 3: “Cool.”
Not-so-high-end gym changing room downtown, Thursday, 16h38-16h40
Manning the Sphere (Dec 10, 2025)
Man 1 (slight, non-descript Middle Eastern accent): “Oh ye-e-h… I gave money to a girlfriend once… didn’t get it back…”
4 seconds of silence.
Man 1: “It was like… Six thousands euros?”
Man 2 (slight Indian accent): “Oh sh.t.”
2 seconds of silence.
Man 2: “That’s almost ten thousand.”
Man 1: “Yeah.”
Man 3 (thick non-descript Eastern European accent): “Yea, I mean, I was in college, and she, like, took my card at night, you know? I was sleeping… And she just took out everything.”
Man 1: “You were students?”
Man 3: “Yeah, but I was working too… like, training AI, you know? And —”
Man 2: “Oh, nice, yeah.”
Man 3: “ — she left like two hundred euros only —”
Man 1: “ — so you know data?”
2 seconds of silence.
Man 3: “What?”
Man 2: “Ye (to Man 1)… it’s something like that (to Man 3), right?”
Man 1: “Data, you know…? You know data?”
Man 3: “I mean, yeah, no. Not really. I mean, I was, like, learning… studying…AI…”
Man 2: “Yeah, you know… Like, internship, right? Like, study.”
5 seconds of silence.
Man 1: “Op — I think this is — wait… Yes, it’s us.”
Man 1 walks away towards pick-up counter with ticket in hand; 4 seconds of silence follow.
Man 3: “Yea… But I was, like, sleeping, and she went out… and she took about nine thousand euro… Everything.”
Man 2: “Don’t worry, man, don’t worry.”
Man 1 (returning with two bags of food): “Ok, come on — let’s go.”
Man 2 (to Man 3): “Don’t worry bro…ok?”
Man 1, 2, and 3 walk off.
Rossio McDonald’s, Sunday, 21h33-21h36.
This and That and Tees and Tats (Nov 26, 2025)
Woman 1 (elderly, in a drawn-out, Midwestern United-States-ian accent): “Oh, you know what — we actually took a tour — right around here, right? Yea, it was right over there, and there was a place, like, oh it’s just right around the corner… And it’s called ‘your perfect day starts here.’ And the view… oh my god, the view is just in-cre-dible.”
5 seconds of silence.
Woman 2 (slightly younger, in East Coast United-States-ian accent). “Yeah… and then I totally got this shirt, like right there — right next to the spot. Check it out.”
3 seconds of silence, 5 seconds of some brief inaudible murmuring, and 10 more seconds of silence.
Woman 3 (late-middle-aged, in Midwestern United-States-ian accent): “You know, my friend made a t-shirt. Oh, it was actually (says name of friend). ____(to Woman 1), you remember ___, don’t you? Ye-a-ah… So she made this shirt, right… It said ‘My dad used to say I’m dead tired but now he’s just dead.’”
2 seconds of silence.
Woman 2: “Wh-what?”
Woman 3 (mimicking t-shirt writing across her chest): “The shirt said ‘My dad used to say I’m dead tired but now he’s just dead.’”
Woman 1: “Oh, yeah, that’s right, she did, didn’t she…and — what — and she actually sold it, right?”
Woman 3: “Right, r-r-ight…”
2 seconds of silence.
Woman 2: “What?!”
Woman 3: “Yeah… She opened her own shop and — I don’t know… or something. Online. Some sort of — what — dead dad club —?”
Woman 1: “Right! And — but it’s selling, you know. And that’s the thing…”
4 seconds of silence.
Woman 2: “It’s morbid…”
2 seconds of silence.
Woman 1: “Ya it is.”
3 seconds of silence.
Woman 1: “Oh — she just messaged. She’s outside. Hold on-”
10 seconds of silence, Woman 1 suddenly leaves the premises, and then 5 more seconds of silence.
Woman 2: “But — yeah — it’s selling, so…”
3 seconds of silence.
Woman 2: “Well, if it’s selling, why not.”
7 seconds of silence.
Woman 2: “I want a shirt that says, ‘It was me — I let the dogs out.’”
Woman 3: ”Ooh — I love that song!”
Woman 2: “Right? It was me, I did it… The dogs are out…”
2 seconds of silence.
Woman 3: “Right.”
5 seconds of silence.
Woman 3: “I remember one — I don’t know who had it, if it was her or not. No, I saw it online I think… anyway, it said ‘I used to be married but I’m better now.’”
Woman 2: “What..? Oh.”
Woman 1: “Yeah. ‘I used to be married (mimicks two lines of writing on her shirt) but I’m better now.’”
7 seconds of silence, then Woman 1 suddenly returns.
Woman 1: “Ok, guys, I found it, come on. I found a tattoo place.”
Woman 3: “Oh yea?”
Woman 1: “Yea. There’s one right here.”
Woman 2: “Ok, let’s go.”
10 seconds of silent rummaging as the women stand up.
Woman 1, 2, and 3 (respectively, as they pass elderly Portuguese man behind the counter): “Ok, thank you! Tha-anks… Obriga-a-da-a…”
All three women leave the premises.
Pastelaria Baixa Chiado, Friday, 17h48-17h53
Hands on the Wheel (Nov 12, 2025)
Man 1 (New Zealand accent): “I haven’t seen you here for a while… You good?”
Man 2 (Midwestern United-States-ian accent): “Oh, yah — just been busy…”
Man 1: “Yea, I hear you… Work?”
Man 2: “Work work work…”
Man 1: “Yeah, no — it’s just, I usually see you here around this time. You’re, like, always here (laughs slightly).”
Man 2 (also laughs slightly): “Oh, yea, I know… I mean, I’m basically here any time I’m pissed off. And I’m pissed off, like, half the time.”
Man 1: “Ha!”
Man 2: “Yeah — and the other half I’m just staring at my screen. Getting pissed, you know?”
Man 1: “That’s hillarious…”
Man 2: “Oh yeah…”
4 seconds of silence.
Man 1: “Staring at your screen for work, yeah…? I mean, you’re not just staring at porn, are you?”
Both men laugh slightly, followed by 3 seconds of silence.
Man 2: “Oh man! You heard about the law in UK, yeah?”
Man 1: “What, the driver’s license thing? That you gotta be 18 or whatever — show your ID?”
Man 2: “Yeah! Fucking crazy, right?
Man 1: “Yeah, I heard about it… but that’s like a few months already.”
Man 2: “Yeah, no, I heard about it for a while — but wasn’t sure… and then, like, my friend sent me the actual screenshot — like, holy shit!”
Man 1: “I mean, to be honest, I saw it coming… It’s funny, like, I was telling people for years. Ever since COVID —”
Man 2: “No, it’s insane, yeah. Like, you gotta jump through these hoops…”
Man 1: “Yeah, it’s pretty serious stuff. Like, not funny at all, you know? Some real 1984 shit.”
2 seconds of silence.
Man 2: “Yeah…”
3 seconds of silence.
Man 1: “I mean, it’s crazy how when you tell people about this stuff, they think you’re crazy… Like, tinfoil batshit stuff. And then it happens, and it’s, like — oh no… well what did you guys expect, you know?”
Man 2: “Yeah. But, like, no, it’s actually real — my friend sent me this screenshot of the log-in screen. I couldn’t believe it.. .! I mean, like, what if you can’t drive? Or, you know — the ID—”
Man 1: “Yeah… It’s fucking ridiculous… And unfortunately it’s only gonna get worse… They knew exactly what they were doing with COVID. And people are like — ok, yeah, sure, whatever… It’s scary, really.”
5 seconds of silence.
Man 2: “Yeah…”
Not-so-high-end sauna downtown, Sunday, 17h02-17h04
A Marathon of Sprints (Oct 29, 2025)
Woman 1 (Dutch accent): ”…yeah, right, that guy! And yeah, so, yeah — my father, like, he specifically put a sign there, ‘No glasses by the pool.’ And so this guy, he was like, so drunk — and he stood up. He has, like, this bottle of wine in his hand, and he stands up, but he, like, can barely stand up-”
Woman 2 (British accent): “Yeah, right! And we saw him again and again – but we like thought he was the manager-”
Woman 1: “But he wasn’t, right?!”
Woman 2: “Yeah, but we thought- so we didn’t, like, say any-”
Woman 1: “No, but that’s the thing though — he wasn’t! He didn’t even work there, he was just some guy.”
Man 1 (non-descript United-States-ian accent): “Yeah… We saw him at the finish line the next day too, remember?”
Woman 1: “Right… Man, I don’t know how the hell he managed to run…”
3 seconds of silence.
Woman 2: “No, but yeah — so, he, like, stands up, right, by the pool… this empty bottle in his hand-”
Woman 1: “No no no, wait — so yeah, check it out — so this guy, right, he like stands up, barely, I mean, he can not stand-”
Woman 2: “So wasted-”
Woman 1: “Right? And so, like, for a second he has a choice, right? Like which way do I fall? (Woman 1 stands up and mimics a wobbly drunk man swaying from side to side) Like, into the pool, or onto the table, right?”
Woman 2, Man 2, 3, 4 laugh in anticipation; Woman 1 sits back down.
Woman 2 (covering her face briefly): “Oh my god-”
Woman 1: “No, shut up — and so, for a second, right… and then he just goes — S-M-M-MASH! (Woman 1 mimics a falling man by loudly clapping her hands horizontally) — and right onto my dad’s fucking table!”
All six runners around the table laugh; 5 seconds of silence follow as laughter dies down.
Man 1: “Dude, that guy is a legend…”
Woman 1: “No — no, Adam, he’s not!”
Banana Cafe at Praça do Municipio, Sunday, 16h03-16h05
…
Man 5 (thick British accent): “Steak, salad, one glass of red.”
Man 6 (non-descript United-States-ian accent): “Yep.”
Man 5: “That’s it.”
Man 6: “Yep.”
Both older runners walk out of earshot.
Rua da Madalena, uphill, Sunday, 16h15
…
Woman 3 (Californian accent): “And, yeah, you know — but some of these ultra-marathon guys, I mean, like, they will, like, literally just start bleeding, you know?”
Bogdan walks out of earshot of six more runners sitting on the steps and listening to Woman 3.
Escadinhas de São Cristóvão, uphill, Sunday, 16h17
Skipping Stepping Stones (Oct 15, 2025)
Man 1 (non-descript Latin American accent): “Oh, yeah man, for sure. I don’t judge… I mean, personally — bro — I’ve been microdosing for work for years.”
Man 2 (Californian accent): “Oh yeah? Like, mushrooms? Or acid?”
Man 1: “Nah, man, LSD… 2-3 times a day.”
Man 2: “No fucking way…”
Man 1: “Yeah, bro… but, come on, like, it’s microdosing. You know, just – like, 7 miligrams.”
Man 2: “Ah…”
Man 1: “Yeah man. Just seven. Nothing crazy… Well, sometimes more… Depends on the week, you know?”
Man 1, 2, 3, and 4 laugh.
Man 1: “Yeah, bro.. But shrooms – I don’t f.ck with that. They mess with my stomach, you know, and… and, I mean, it’s just not fun. No, for me, of course. But I’ve tried it. I don’t judge, just don’t like. But plenty of my boys do it.”
Man 2: “No, I hear you, yeah.”
4 seconds of silence.
Man 3 (slight continental Portuguese accent): “LSD can definitely get heavy though, you know?”
Man 4 (non-descript Eastern European accent): “That it can… that it can…”
Man 1: “Bro, tell me about it! Dude, last time I took a full dose — it was at my boy’s in Belgium — dude, shit… Like,. I was seeing — bro, no joke — like, centaurs and sh.t. Was f.cking crazy.”
Man 2: “Whaa-?”
Man 3: “Centers… or, cent-aurs?”
Man 1: “Cent-OR, man, you know? Like, the mythical creature.”
Man 2: “Ha-ha.”
Man 1: “Yeah, man. Like, right there — like I see you, bro — I just had like a centaur standing there. Like, talking to me…. And it f.cking went on forever, man. Was insane.”
Man 3 or 4: “Damn bro…”
Man 1: “Yeah, man. I never seen any sh.t like that before… or since…”
5 seconds of silence.
Man 2: “No, I feel you man. I had one — I was by myself — where, like, man, I swear I died a few times. I mean, not like died, but… Like, the way I describe it is, like… so, death was like a river, right? And I was like this stone, you know… And I was just — skipping along its surface, man (Man 3 slowly mimics a stone skipping over water with his raised, down-turned palm)… again and again and again.”
Man 4: “Woah…”
Man 1. “Haha, yeah! That’s what I’m f.cking talking about, man! Centaurs and death and sh.t, you know? Like, bro…”
5 seconds of silence.
Man 3: “Wow, man. Good description…”
Man 2: “Yeah, thanks. But, yeah — I’ll never forget it, man. I mean, maybe I did die, you know?”
Man 1: ”Ha!”
3 seconds of silence.
Man 2: “But, yeah… anyway, I try to take it easy since then, you know.”
Man 4: “Oh, I hear you on that…”
4 seconds of silence.
Man 1: “Yeah, of course bro… But the microdosing — I know it’s different for everyone — but the studies show: improved productivity, focus, performance… everything, bro!”
Man 2: “No, definitely.”
Man 4: “For sho…”
Man 3: “Yea, no, of course… It just all depends on the intensity, right. I mean…”
Praça de São Paolo, Thursday, 18h34-18h37
Cold vs. Hot (Oct 1, 2025)
Man (slight Portuguese accent): “So — we’ll go get that coffee after this?”
Woman (strong Californian accent): “Um, oh yeah, totally…! But maybe, like, an iced coffee for me. I can’t do more hot, like, you know…”
Man: “Yeah, sure.”
5 seconds of silence.
Woman: “Is there a place around here?”
Man: “Yeah. Do you know Honest Greens? It’s just a few minutes from here.”
Woman: “Oh, right — sure! Yea, I’ve been, like, a few times, I think… ”
Man: “Yeah… I usually go there between work… and after my workout.”
Woman: “Oh, totally. Like, healthy, cozy… It’s ama-a-azing… Cool.”
7 seconds of silence.
Woman: “Oh my god it’s sooo hot though… ”
Man: “Yeah, today is more… But, you know — good for the heart, and the skin.”
Woman: “Oh, yeah, totally.”
7 seconds of silence.
Woman: “When I was in Dublin I always did sauna. And in Scotland, and Cork. And — oh my god — cold plunges.”
Man: “Yes, of course”
Woman: “I lo-o-ove cold plunges… But, I don’t know… Because there I couldn’t really, you know… But, oh my god, I love it. Like, the mix.”
Man: “Oh yeah, of course. Also good for the heart, for the skin. Yeah… Gotta love the cold plunge.”
5 seconds of silence.
Woman: “Yeah… When I was, like, in Bali and, like, Thailand I was doing it every day. Like the ice baths and the cold plunge and sauna — everything. But there, of course, it’s easier… In the north — in Ireland, I had to stop…”
Man: “Yeah.”
5 seconds of silence.
Man: “Yeah, I love Bali.”
Woman: “Oh my god, right…?”
10 seconds of silence.
Woman: “But here too, you know? Like, all the beaches and the sun.”
Man: “Yeah…”
3 seconds of silence.
Man: “But, come on… after California though…”
Woman: “Oh my god — are you kidding me?”
Man: “What?”
Woman: “Well, you know that, like, everyone back home now says that Portugal is basically the California of Europe right?”
3 seconds of silence.
Man: “Oh yeah?”
Woman: “Oh my god — like, totally!”
3 seconds of silence.
Man: “Oh god…”
Not-so-high-end sauna downtown, Tuesday, 15h33-15h36
No Retreat (Sept 17, 2025)
Man 1 (to Man 2, to his right, in slight Irish accent): “Yeah, man, I hear you…”
4 seconds of silence.
Man 1 (to Woman, to his left): “Oh, hey, yeah… So let me know about Tuesday, yeah?”
5 seconds of silence.
Woman (in very low, raspy voice and strong Californian accent — slowly, painfully stretching the last word/syllable of each utterance into eventual silence): “Oh, ye-e-e-ah… I mean, ye-e-ah… I don’t kno-o-o-w… But, ye-e-e-ah… Maybe-e-e-e…(?)”
2 seconds of silence.
Man 1: “Yeah, no, I mean — of course. Cool… No pressure…”
8 seconds of silence.
Man 2 (to Man 1, in non-descript United-Statesian accent): “How many people do you need again?”
Man 1: “Like, 12.”
Man 2: “Right… And how many do you have?”
Man 1: “Like…four? Including me…”
Man 2: “Oh.”
Man 1: “Yeah…”
Both men laugh slightly.
Man 1: “I mean, people have known about it for months. But, yeah… The thing is that I already paid for the boat, so — yeah — I don’t know…”
Man 2: “Oh, bummer…”
Man 1: “Yeah. I mean, I don’t know what happened. I think it’s just — like — one of those days, you know?”
5 seconds of silence.
Man 2: “Ya… end of the season and all…”
Man 1: “Yeah… but still…I mean, you know how it is — it’s always someone who, like, cancels last-minute. And then, of course, everyone says yes at first… But then… And then there’s always one or two that suddenly wants a spot on the last day. While, like — dude — come on, some people have been waiting six weeks, you know…? So, yeah…”
Man 2: “Yeah, of course, man… That’s just how it goes, unfortunately.”
Man 1: “Yeah…”
6 seconds of silence.
Man 1 (to Woman): “But, yeah — you should come if you can. I think it’ll be fun… if it happens, I mean.”
Man 1 and 2 laugh slightly. 8 seconds of silence.
Woman: “Ye-e-e-ah, I know what you me-e-e-a-n…(?)”
3 seconds of silence.
Woman: “Beca-a-a-a-use, l-i-i-ike… I’ve been to retreats in Me-e-e-xic-o-o…(?)”
3 seconds of silence
“…a-a-and, it’s always, l-i-i-i-i-ike… such a huge dep-o-o-s-i-i-it…(?)”
3 seconds of silence.
“…s-o-o… ye-e-e-e-ah…”
10 seconds of silence.
Man 2 (to Man 1): “What’s the deposit?”
Man 1: “Like 20%… But the thing is I already put the deposit for the boat, like, a few months back… And I think it’s too late to cancel, so…yeah…”
Man 2: “Yeah…”
5 seconds of silence.
Man 2: “You definitely gotta get them to pay first…”
Man 1: “Yep…(laughs)”
8 seconds of silence.
Man 1 (to Woman): “But, like, it’s not like a retreat… I mean, sort of. But, like, a boat party retreat, you know? I mean, you saw the Instagram thing, so, you know.”
5 seconds of silence.
Man 2: “…yeah…”
8 seconds of silence.
Woman: “…ye-e-e-e-e-e-a-h-h…”
30 seconds of silence.
Caxias beach, Thursday, 15h02-15h05
Important Exports (Sept 3, 2025)
Man 1 (slight South African accent): “Well, you do know that Portugal is only Portugal because of Britain, right?”
Man 2 (non-descript United-States-ian accent): “Oh yeah?”
Man 3 (heavier South African accent): “That’s right, because it was part of Spain, right?”
Man 2: “Aah-”
Man 1: “Well, no, not really. Or, yeah. I mean… Well, Spain tried to take it over — and the British basically intervened.”
Man 2: “Uh-huh…”
Man 1: “Yep.”
5 seconds of silence.
Man 3: Inaudible question.
Man 1: “Yeah, basically it was-” inaudible 7-second answer.
5 seconds of silence.
Man 3: “That’s right. I mean, even Barcelona was its own country then, right?”
Man 1: “Yep. What was it… Aragon?”
Man 3: “Yeah I think that’s it.”
Man 2: “Really?”
Man 3: “Yeah.”
Man 1: “And Venice became, like, its own city only in — what — 1899?”
Man 2: “Seriously? That recent…”
15 seconds of inaudible chatter – Man 1 and 3 debate something as Man 2 listens. Then 10 seconds of silence.
Man 2: “Ok. And, so, then — who was it — Manuel the Second who basically unified everything?”
Man 1: “Yeah, I think so…right.”
Man 3: “Yep… but, and, yeah, you know… the Brits…”
5 seconds of silence.
Man 1: “Well, and the Port wine.”
Man 3: “Right.”
Man 2: “Oh, yeah…”
All three men laugh, 15 seconds of silence follow, inaudible geographical chatter continues…
Outdoor restaurant in Sertá, Friday, 14h05-14h07.
From Dusk ´til Dawn (Aug 20, 2025
Man 1 (sitting by the sauna door, looking up at clock on wall outside, in East Coast United-Statesian accent): “Woah… is that thing right??”
5 seconds of silence.
Man 1 (pointing at clock, to Man 2 — who is sitting next to Man 1, and is also Bogdan Kamuta): “Is that thing correct?”
Man 2 (in East Coast United-States-ian accent): “…um…sorry?”
Man 1: “Is it really 7am right now??”
3 seconds of silence.
Bogdan: “Um, no… No. It’s 7pm.”
2 seconds of silence.
Man 1 (staring dumbfoundedly from the clock to Man 2 and back to the clock): “Really?… No f.cking way… Seriously??”
Man 2 (smiling empathically but uncomfortably): “Uum… Yeah. I mean, I’m pretty sure. It’s evening, yeah… It’s 7pm…”
Man 1 (staring at Man 2): “…really? No! (looks up at clock) That’s not 7am??(stares at Man 2)”
Man 2: “Yes. I mean, yeah, I’m pretty sure… It’s… it’s evening. Like – ye, 7pm.”
5 seconds of silence.
Man 1 (introspectively, to no one): “No f.cking way…”
10 seconds of silence.
Man 1 (staring straight ahead, and again to no one): “Aww, man…”
5 more seconds of silence; Man 1 abruptly leaves sauna.
Man 3 and 4 (at other end of sauna) laugh.
Man 3 (still slightly laughing, in non-descript accent): “Wow, man…”
Man 4 (to Man 2, in slight Irish accent): “Bro, was he just asking you if it’s 7 in the morning?”
Man 2: “Yeah-”
Man 4 (laughs): “F.cking hell, man!”
Man 3 (still slightly laughing too): “Aww, man… what is he on…? Jesus almighty… aww… man…”
3 seconds of silence.
Man 2: “Ah, you know… I mean, we’ve all been there, right?”
5 seconds of silence.
Man 4: “Actually, no… I don’t think I have been there…”
2 more minutes of silence; Man 2 leaves sauna.
Not-so-high-end sauna downtown, Thursday, 19h02-19h06
The Reddest Lobster (Aug 6, 2025)
Man 1 (pausing to look at Man 2’s neck, in slight German accent): “Aww, man – you’re tanned!”
Man 2 (also pausing, in non-descript Eastern European accent): “What? Me?”
Man 1: “Yea, man! You’re neck… Damn, you’re red as a lobster, bro!”
Man 2 (turning head, pulling away shirt to look at the back of his neck and shoulders): “Oh, yeah. This was… So I was at the beach. All day yesterday.”
Man 1 and 2 resume half-walking and half-scootering.
Man 2: “I was with, like, my sister.”
Man 1: “Oh, nice.”
5 seconds of silence as both men half-scooter/half-walk.
Man 2: “Yeah… But then, you know, she, like, invited these Spanish friends… So yea, then, like – these random Spanish chicks joined us.”
Man 1 (excitedly): “Oh yea? And?”
Man 2: “Yea, you know. So we were there all day, and then I had dinner at my sister’s, and she invited them too. So it was me, my sister, and these three random Spanish girls.”
Man 1: “Nice one, man!”
Man 2: “Yea… And then – it’s funny – they were all like ‘you know we met you in London, right?…’ And I was like, ‘What? I’m sorry, but I don’t know who you are.’ ”
Man 1: “Nice!”
5 seconds of silence.
Man 1: “Above the law? Or 18 combined…?”
Man 2: “What? Aah… well, let me see.”
Man 2 pauses scooter to see (as does Man 1, turning his neck); 3 seconds of silence.
Man 2 (thoughtfully): “6 point 5, 6 point 5, and… I don’t know. Maybe 5?”
Man 1: “Yeah…”
5 seconds of silence.
Man 2: “But that’s a good question.”
Both men scoot out of earshot.
Along the Tejo river by Santos, Monday, 11h32-11h34
The Fastest Ways to Fast (Jul 23, 2025)
Man 1 (Midwestern United-States-ian accent): “Oh, yeah, man. I’m starting my 24-hour fast today, so, yea — gotta hit it.”
Man 2 (slight Irish accent): “I hear you, brother.”
12 seconds of silence as both men change into/out of gym clothes (respectively).
Man 2: “And how’s business?”
Man 1: “Oh, man. Not good.”
Man 2 (pauses changing): “No? How come?”
Man 1 (pauses changing): “Well, I don’t know. I mean, it’s ok. But, like I was telling you. You know — it’s just that, well, between the Arabs and the Chinese and the war, it’s just kind of hard for me to downsize right now. So, yeah…”
Man 2 (continues changing): “Oh yeah? Which war?”
Man 1: “Well, all of them, really… I mean, you got Iran, North Korea, China, all of them helping Russia. Meanwhile, Ukraine has bombed… Yo — they’ve bombed, like, 40 percent of all their planes… 40 percent of all of Russia’s drones. It’s pretty crazy.”
Man 2: “Really?”
Man 1: “Yeah…”
4 seconds of silence, both men continue changing.
Man 2: “But… And that’s, like, affecting your crypto?”
Man 1 (pauses changing again): “Well, yea. Because, like, you know — I mean, like, it’s never a good idea to take risks during wartime, you know?”
5 seconds of silence.
Man 2: “Yeah, I hear you there, brother…”
Man 1: “…yeah bro…”
Both men finish changing in silence.
Not-so-high-end gym changing room downtown, Monday, 18h15-18h18
Verbal Weaponry (Jul 9, 2025)
Woman (slight Dutch accent): “Yea, no.. growing up I was always one of the guys… oh, no, yea, definitely…”
Man 1 (slight German accent): “Yea, I hear you… I mean, yea. Woman — women — are tricky… I mean, you know, they’re beautiful, of course, yea… but… But also, yea — the emotional versus the logical. I mean, yeah. It’s not easy…”
Woman: “Yea, no, and — but like — I mean, even plenty of guys-”
Man 1: “Yeah, of course, it’s both ways… I mean, even for me personally, from personal experience…”
Woman: “Yea, because, like — ya, I know a lot of guys, who — they are not gay, you know — but, ya, you know, like, their feminine is a lot stronger… And so — what I want to say is that yea, it’s really tricky with womans, but with guys even too.”
Man 1: “Oh no, yes, definitely.”
Woman: “…because it’s like, with them, it’s then like — you can’t really talk about anything. Or, about the emotional, the emotional side, like, directly. But you also can’t, like, be straightforward… it, like, it has to be one way or the other, and-”
Man 1: “Ya, of course, and then it’s like men aren’t allowed, of course, because… yea… you know, the emotions.”
Man 1 smiles shyly, 3 seconds of silence.
Woman: “Ya… but definitely with women it’s worse.”
Man 1: “Yea. Definitely… Thanks.”
2 seconds of silence. Woman and Man 1 laugh shyly, slightly. 5 more seconds of silence.
Woman: “Yea… I think like my main problem with woman, with womans — ugh!— with women, is, that, like, they’ll be really nice to your face but then, like, behind your back they’ll be real bitchy… you know? and that — I mean, I really can’t stand that…”
Man 1: “yea, for sure…”
Woman: “yea… and, like, I’m definitely not like that.”
Man 1: “Yea… You know I had this friend once — and she was a girl — and she told me once that, like biologically, the reason woman — womens — are like that because, like, they can’t — you know, in a community, in like a tribe, or whatever, in social circles, society-“
Woman: “uh-huh…”
Man 1: “… ya, like, from before… anyway, that they can’t like — because of the size and everything — take you down… like, bring you down to the ground… so, ya, they like have to use words — or, you know, they can use their words and that way to eventually, like, kick you out.. like, exco — how do you say it? — excommunicate you from the society…”
Woman: “Oh, yea, no, of course… I hear you.. I mean, I definitely can’t, like.. I’m not a guy. But, oh yeaaa (laughs slightly, pauses introspectively) — but I can definitely, like, use my words to — like you said — to bring you to the ground…”
Man 1: “Ya…”
Both laugh slightly.
15 minutes later (Man 1 is long gone, Woman has been chatting with Man 2)
Woman: “Yea, no, I’d definitely like to stay here. Probably like — until Tuesday?”
Man 2 (in slight Portuguese accent): “Tuesday? Wow.. a whole week.”
Woman: “Yea. I mean, I love it here.”
Man 2: “Ok, cool…”
Woman: “You know what I mean?”
Man 2: “No, yea, of course…”
Woman: “Yea, I mean, it’s a beautiful place — so I figured, why not..? I’m on foot, and you have everything you need.”
Man 2: “Oh, yea, definitely. It’s nice. It’s hot, but — yea, you got the nature, the river… And, yea, we have water, it’s peaceful… The’re’ll be a few events, but nothing crazy… So, yea… It’s a good place.”
Woman: “Yea, cool… And also then, like, because next week, on Tuesday, that guy, your friend — what was his name, the one with the red hair and the beard (referring to Man 1) — anyway, he said he’ll give me a ride to the next town… and so, that’s, like, perfect — because then that’s where I’m meeting my boyfriend…”
2 hours later.
Man 1: “Hey, sorry — but I actually can’t on Tuesday.”
Woman: “Oh?”
Man 1: “Yea… It’s because of the whole car thing I told you.”
7 seconds of deafening silence.
Man 1: “So maybe Monday then… Is that alright with you?”
5 seconds of silence.
Woman: “Ok… I guess so, yea…”
River beach bar, Castelo Branco District, Wednesday, 11h04-11h20
Festive Youth (Jun 25, 2025)
Girl 1 (thick Brazilian accent): “Yeah, I know, right?! We got really lucky… I put it in my name — and it was, like — three months ago… But, it’s like — you know, like, a lottery.”
Girl 2 (Californian accent): “Yeah, right. Like uh — what’d you call it — like a raffle.”
Girl 3 (slight German accent): “Yes, this.”
Girl 1: “É isso — raffle… and there are, like, you know… how many? 7,000 or 8,000 people… So when they emailed me back — I mean, I really couldn’t believe it.”
Girl 2: “Right? That’s crazy.”
Girl 3: “Yea, that’s really cool. Oh — you got so lucky, girl! (hugs Girl 1) — Congrats! And thank you for thinking of us!”
Girl 1: “Oh, no — come on — of course…. I mean, I’m just really excited.”
Girl 2: “Yeah, thank you so much. Really… Aw, man, it’s gonna be so cool.”
Girl 3: “Ye, definitely. Thank you.”
Girl 1: “Oh, no, of course. I mean, I’m just really happy we can all go together.”
Girl 2: “Yeah. I’m just thinking… Like, should we bring food? Or, like, get it on the way.”
Girl 1 (to Girl 3): “Well, but we’re staying with your aunt and uncle the first night, right?”
Girl 3: “Yea. It’s five days — so, yea, the first night, and probably the last.”
Girl 2: “Oh, yea?”
Girl 3: “Yea, well… I mean, it’s because their house — like I said, it’s in the middle of nowhere. But, yea — it’s only 40 minutes from there. And I prefer to drive 40 minutes than two and a half or even three hours. You know?”
Girls 1 and 2 (respectively): “Yeah/A-ha…”
3 seconds of silence.
Girl 3: “But, yea — they’re old.”
5 seconds of silence.
Girl 2: “Yea…. And you said your aunt was sick?”
Girl 1: “Oh no…”
Girl 3 (gesturing to her arm): “Yea, she had already — what do you call it… it’s like, in the blood?”
5 seconds of silence.
Girl 1: “Yea, like, a transfusion? Or…”
Girl 3: “No, it’s like when the blood is, like, stuck…”
Girl 2: “Blood… blood clot?”
Girl 3: “Yes, this… It was a few months ago, but he’s not so good too.”
Girl 1: “Aaw…”
Girl 3: “Yeah. You know, and he’s very old too. He’s older. So, basically, if something happens to him — there’s no one to take care of her either.”
Girl 2: “Oh no. Poor things… So they’re, like, all alone?”
Girl 3: “Yea. Well, no, I mean — my cousin comes to check on them — so that’s ok. But, yea, I worry. They’re so far…”
5 seconds of silence.
Girl 1: “So we’ll get food on the way then. Because at the festival it’s probably crazy…”
Girl 2: “Well, no — it’s actually not so bad.”
Girl 1: “No?”
Girl 2: “Yea, last year it was like — 20 euro and you get a full meal… 15 or 20… And there are lots of options.”
Girl 1:”Oh yeah?”
Girl 2: “Yea, it’s like vegan and pasta and burgers… It’s good… Not cheap. But good.”
Girl 1: “Cool. I didn’t know.”
Girl 2: “Yeah…”
5 seconds of silence.
Girl 1 (to Girl 3 again): “But are they ok though…? Like, do you think…”
Girl 3: “Oh no, ya. They’re very excited to see me. Well, to see us. And they already know. The festival — it’s every year, you know. So, they know… And yeah, they’re so cute. It’s actually really funny…”
Girl 1: “Nice. Aaw — thank you again.”
Girl 2: “Yes. And for driving too.”
Girl 3: “Oh yeah, of course. It will be great.”
7 seconds of silence.
Girl 2: “Oh my god, it’s gonna be so cool you guys!”
Girl 1: “Yeah… I’m really excited too.”
Girl 3: “Yeah…”
Outdoor table at shisha bar, Anjos, Tuesday, 18h57.
The Ex Factor (Jun 11, 2025)
Man 1 (in slight Portuguese accent): “Oh man, I can’t. I’m meeting that girl — the Romanian. Remember, from two weeks ago?”
Man 2 (in Northern English accent, standing up): “Oh, yea… right… nice. So you guys going to dinner?”
Man 1 (grinning): “Oh, no. No way, man. I told her to come after dinner. You know…”
Woman 1 (lowers sunglasses, in Northern English accent): “…r-really?”
Man 1 (to Woman 1, grinning shyly): “Yeah, you know…. I mean, she knows… you know?”
Man 2: “Ha!”
Man 1: “I mean, I can eat on my own, you know? No. I said after dinner only. She knows.”
Man 2 (chuckles): “Right… ____ you dog, you.”
Man 2, smiling, leaves table to go to kiosk. 5 seconds of silence follow.
Man 1 (smiling at woman): “And so you’re both British, huh…”
Woman (in somewhat exaggerated Northern English accent).: “Yep… guilty as ch-a-a-a-ged.”
Man 1 (nodding towards Man 2) : “Yea. Like ____. I like you guys, Brits…”
Woman: “Yep. From the same parts, actually… Well, sort of… But we met here, though, funnily enough.”
Man 1: “Yea, ____ said…. I dated a British girl once. From Yorkshire.”
Woman: “Oh yeah?”
Man 1: “Yeah. Like, two years ago or so. Like a few weeks…”
Woman: “Yorkshire. Nice…. Yea, I’m from Manchester…And ___ too… different parts, obviously… but close… well, sort of.”
Man 1: “I know, yea…Yorkshire, Cheshire, yea… she told me…”
5 seconds of silence.
Woman: “So what happened? Didn’t work out?”
Man 1: “Oh, you know…. No, but she was great. Yeah… You know how it goes.”
Woman: “Yea. You know, my ex was Portuguese actually…! Come to think of it — both of them… good riddance…no offence.”
Man 1 (grinning again): “Oh yeah? No, ha! But why?”
4 seconds of silence.
Woman: “Honestly?”
Man 1: “Yea, come on!”
Woman: “Well, I won’t do it again, that’s for sure.”
Man 1: “Ha!”
Woman: “I mean, no offence. But, yea. Sorry…Like, all the stereotypes… It’s crazy.”
Man 1: “Oh yea? Like what?”
Woman: “Well, where do I begin… Well, ok. Arrogant, stubborn, misogynistic. Well, one of them. The last one… Princesses. Divas. Lazy… mama’s boys…”
Man 1: “Oh, yea. Ha-ha…!”
Woman: “I mean, sorry. But.. yeah…”
Man 1: “No, you’re right. Stubborn…. ha-ha, yeah. I’m not lazy though.”
Man 2 comes back with fresh round of beers.
Man 1 (looking up to Man 2): “____, am I lazy?”
Woman (smiling): “Oh, come on!”
Outdoor cafe at Cais do Sodre, Tue, 15h33-15h38
The Boomingest Trade (May 28, 2025)
Tour Guide 1 (turned around to face three elderly women in the back of his slowly approaching tuktuk, in thick Portuguese accent): “And, you see, so… so, yeah, the neighborhood — here, and under the castel — is called Mouraria… Because, unlike other countries who were sending them back to Africa and things like that, we — well, the king of Portugal… but also the Portuguese people — we decided to keep the muslims around. To give them, like, a second chance, you know? Yeah… And so, you see, this thing — this cliché — about the Portuguese people being very kind and friendly… it’s not a recent thing, you know. It goes back…”
Tuktuk drives out of earshot. Seven seconds of silence follow.
Female Tourist 1 (slowly ascending stairs after Tour Guide 2, with a group of roughly 10, in non-descript United-States-ian accent): “They should put an elevator here too. Right? Like the one they have — where was it — the one back there. I mean, they have one there. Why not one here…? I said I think they should put an elevator here too, right?”
Female Tourist 1 ascends out of earshot. Three seconds of silence.
Elderly Male Tourist 1 to Elderly Male Tourist 2 (back of the same group, in British RP accent): “And so, my main concern this second time around was — you see, last time I was here was from Paris. But not with the cruise. And…this time my main concern was — because of all the, you know… And so, my concern…”
Both elderly tourists ascend out of earshot.
Female Tourist 2 (to one of two female companions, all ascending stairs without a tour guide, in Californian United-States-ian accent): “Yeah.. I think you did the right thing. Like, choosing to enjoy your life… Like… I think… Yea, that’s very powerful…”
Female Tourist 2 and her companions ascend out of earshot.
Tour Guide 3 (standing halfway down the stairs with a group of 12, in slight Portuguese accent): “And so, you know, they buy it at the supermarkets, right? And then they charge us double… yea? And so, then, how do they expect that we can’t — the we won’t, or that we shouldn’t, to protest, right? Because…”
Bogdan descends out of earshot.
Escadinhas de São Cristóvão, Mouraria, Wednesday, 11h01-11h02
Politicking (May 14, 2025)
Woman (sitting next to sauna exit, in slight French accent): “…oh, it’s just awful, you know?”
Man 1 (sitting next to woman, in Midwest United-States-ian accent): “…yeah, no. It is. And, you know, it can’t go on much longer. I mean, it’s so bad for his image there, you know?”
Woman (thoughtfully): “Yeah…”
Man 1: “I mean, you know, they really have that… you know, that strong, macho, leader thing over there.”
Woman: “Yea, no, I hear you. I have a Russian friend here — she’s from Moscow, but she lives here, in Cascais — and she was telling me about it.”
Man 1: “Yeah… And, I mean, they already had that one guy. Like, you know, the Vagner group?”
Woman: “Oh. Yeah. A-ha…”
Man 1: “Pri-go-zhin? Yea, I think, that was his name. Ev-ge-niy Pri-go-zhin.”
Man 2 (lying down at far end of sauna, in indistinct United-States-ian accent): “Yep, that’s him…”
Man 1 (to Woman): “Yeah. And he was like all for it at first, you know. Like the mercenaries and stuff… They were all buddy-buddy. But then he, like, went against him…”
Woman (to Man 1): “Oh, yeah! She was telling me, right… a-ha…”
Man 1: “Yea, it was pretty crazy…”
Man 2 gets up, stretches, slowly heads for the exit.
Woman: “Yea… Wait, and then something happened to him, right?”
Man 2 (passing Man 1 and Woman): “They blew him up!”
Woman: “Yeah? That’s right… I mean, he’s died, yeah.”
Man 1 (to Woman): “Well, yea, that’s what they say, but… I mean…”
Woman: “But… what, you don’t believe it?”
Man 1: “I mean, no, not really.”
Woman (excitedly): “What’s your theory?”
Man 1: “I mean, it’s all a little too convenient, don’t you think?”
Man 2 (from doorway, exiting sauna): “No, they blew him up. He’s dead alright.”
Man 2 leaves, closes sauna door behind him.
6 seconds of silence follow.
Man 1: “Yeah, I mean, I don’t know… that’s just a little too simplistic for me.”
Woman: “Yeah?”
Man 1: “I mean, come on! The guy’s so rich and well-connected, you know?”
3 seconds of silence.
Woman (thoughtfully): “I mean, I don’t know anything about it, really…”
Man 1: “Yeah…”
3 seconds of silence.
Woman: “But then — so you think he’s still alive then?”
Not-so-high-end sauna downtown, Sunday, 16h12-16h15
Local Art (April 30, 2025)
Female Tour Guide (pointing up to the mural in the photo above, speaking with a slight Eastern European accent): “Ok, so now we’re going to take a look at this.”
Tourists 1, 2, 3, and 4 (two elderly couples) stop and look up.
Guide: “So, this is a famous mural by a local artist… I don’t know the name. But, you have here an old lady…”
Tourists 1, 2, 3, and 4 continue looking up.
Guide: “She’s a local. And, if you look, it looks like she’s spraying a tourist.”
Tourist 2 (woman) turns to the Guide; Tourists 1, 3, and 4 continue looking up.
Guide: “But, if you notice, he also looks a bit Asian… Like, Eastern, you know?”
Tourists 1, 2, 3, and 4 (looking up at mural): “…”
Guide (continues looking up at mural): “If you see his hair and his beard.”
4 seconds of silence.
Guide (looking at tourists): “And so, I’m sorry — and maybe this is just my interpretation — but I think this art is also a social commentary. And it’s about the mass immigration — one of the big problems in Portugal right now.”
Tourists 1, 2, 3, and 4 (looking at Guide): “…”
Guide (looking back up at mural): “…”
4 seconds of silence.
Guide (turning and walking away from mural): “Ok, so now we’ll go over here. Here we have a building — it’s one of the oldest in Lisbon…”
Tourists 1, 2, 3, and 4 look away from mural, walk after Guide.
Outside Bogdan Kamuta’s window, Tuesday, 11h17-11h19
Margaritaville (Apr 16, 2025)
Man 1 (in Portuguese): “…cinquenta e um, cinquenta e dois, cinquenta e três…”
Man 2 (also in Portuguese, almost in sync with Man 1): “…cinquenta e três, cinquenta e quatro…”
Man 1: “…cinquenta e quatro, cinquenta e cinco… cinquenta e seis…”
Man 2: “…cinquenta e seis…”
Man 1 and 2 (in unison): “Cinquenta e sete!”
Man 1 (exhales loudly): “Eh, caralho!”
Man 2 (laughs in relief): ”Aah, man. Fifty and seven…”
Man 3 (non-descript United-States-ian accent): “What you guys doing back there? Are you fucking counting your steps?!”
Man 1 (catching up to Man 3 and Woman): “Oh, yeah, man…. It’s like the gym, you know? Lisbon is…”
Man 2 (catching up to Man 1, Man 3, and Woman): ”Yeah, it’s the —”
Man 3: “Yeah, I know, I know. All the stairs. City of seven hills, bla bla bla…”
Man 2: “You know, it’s actually —”
Man 3 (laughs, puts arm over Man 1’s shoulder): “I count my steps in Margaritas, brother! You know what I’m saying? Heh-heh…”
8 seconds of silence; Man 1 and Man 2 fall slightly behind Man 3 and Woman again, and revert back to Portuguese.
Woman (slight German accent, looking up from her phone): “But you’re so tall… Do you work out?”
Outside Igreja de São Cristóvão, Thursday, 22h44-22h45
Cyber Fragility (Apr 2, 2025)
Man 1 (Midwest United-States-ian accent): “Hey, brother. How it is? You good?”
Man 2 (slight Portuguese accent): “Aaw, man… The couple of days I’ve had, bro.”
Man 1: “Oh yeah?”
Man 2: “Man, so I got that client in Italy… the real estate, you know… for here. But he’s there, old client… Remember? Anyway — so he tells me it was a cyber attack.”
Man 1: “Yeah?!”
Man 2: “Like, 15K man! 15 grand, you know?”
Man 1: “A cyber attack? Huh…”
Man 2: “Right? Come on!”
Man 1: “Yeah…”
Man 2: “We transferred it, you know… And then he doesn’t say a word the whole time… and now, all of a sudden…”
Man 1: “Damn. So what do you think? Is it true? What are you gonna do?”
Man 2: “Shit man, I’m talking to my lawyer and — but it’s not good…”
Man 1: “Yeah…”
Man 2: “A cyber attack? No, man! Come on… I mean, he waits 20 months? And not a word…”
Man 1: “Yeah, I mean…”
Man 2: “And now I’m talking to my lawyer, and he’s like, ´You’re gonna look bad.´ — and I’m like, ´He is, right?´ — and he says, ´No, you are.’”
Man 1: “What? Why though?”
Man 2: “Yeah… I dunno, it’s a mess man…”
Man 1: “I mean, I guess…”
Man 2: “Man, come on! It’s not a cyber attack! It’s one of his girlfriends who’s got access to his email!… you know what I mean?”
Man 1: “Right.”
Man 2: “15 grand, man! And I don’t understand why the lawyer says it’s on us… Come on, 20 months and he doesn’t say anything…”
Man 1: “Shit.”
Man 2: “…or I dunno, not a girlfriend… but, you know — his son or his wife or somebody… Whatever… but — cyber attack? Come on, man…”
Man 1: “Yeah, that’s rough.”
Man 2: “Anyway, so running around with this all week…”
Man 1: “Yea man… Good luck.”
Man 2: ”Thanks bro… You done?”
Man 1: “I’m just gonna go eat lunch upstairs…”
Man 2: “Yeah… I’m just coming in now.”
Man 1: “Yeah man… (goes to leave) Anyway, I’m here if you wanna cuddle.”
Man 2: “… Thanks bro…You good though?”
Man 1: “Yea man… Same old…”
Man 2: “Yeah, thanks bro. I’ll see you up there, yeah…?”
Not-so-high-end gym locker room downtown, Tuesday, 14h05-14h08
The Realest Estate (Mar 19, 2025)
Man 1 (slight French/Belgian accent): “Yeah, man… I’m usually not easily affected by it, but, yeah — the weather’s got me depressed….”
Man 2 (indistinct United-Statesian): “Yeah…”
Man 1: “You hear it from the locals too though. Like, it’s even getting to them.”
Man 2: “Oh, yeah. It definitely feels like more rain than usual. Another week at least, too.”
Man 1: “Man…”
Man 2: “Yeah.”
Man 1: “How was your trip though?”
Man 2: “Oh, it was ok.”
Man 1: “New York, right?”
Man 2: “Yeah… but I was working the whole time.”
Man 1: “Oh yeah? So you didn’t go out or anything?”
Man 2: “No… I mean… I had this tenant, and she wouldn’t pay, and she wouldn’t leave. And then she trashed the place…”
Man 1: “Huh..”
Man 2: “Yeah.. she had a dog, and it wasn’t potty-trained…Like, it was real messy…. I mean, I got it done, but, man…”
Man 1: ”Oh, wow…”
3 seconds of silence.
Man 1: “But no, like, structural damage or anything?”
Man 2: “No, fortunately. But, like, the furniture, the bedsheets… Three days of work.”
5 seconds of silence.
Man 1: “So you’re renting it out again?”
Man 2: “No. I mean, it’s fixed. It’s all good… But no, not renting at the moment.”
Man 1: “Yeah… It’s Williamsburg, right? Brooklyn?”
Man 2: “Yep, exactly…Williamsburg…”
Man 1: “Yeah… We were there for like three months last summer.”
Man 2 nods.
Man 1: “I mean, I like it. But.. I don’t know. It’s strange. Like, I don’t recognize it anymore… you know?”
Man 2: “Oh, yeah, definitely — I know what you mean. I don’t either… I actually kinda like going back there less and less, to be honest… I don’t know…”
Man 1: “Yeah… I mean, everyone is like — so young, you know?”
Man 2: “Yeah, exactly… so young.”
2 seconds of silence.
Man 1: “And hip.”
Man 2 (nods): “Yep. And hip… Young and hip.”
Quiosque in Santos, Monday, 13h33-13h35.
The Internet of The Earth (Mar 5, 2025)
Man (Mid-Western U.S. accent): “So what’s your weekend looking like?”
Woman (Californian accent): “Oh, I’m really excited… I’m meeting with that Death Doula today… finally!”
Man: “Oh, right, right… What’s her name…”
3 seconds of silence (woman stares blankly, smiling)
Man: “…it’s a really weird name… Anyway, yeah… So you’re meeting her today?”
Woman: “Yeah, today, at 4… a little nervous…”
Man: “Yeah, I’m sure.”
Woman: “Yeah.. you know, like I said — I’d never tried it before, so…”
Man: “Yeah…”
Woman: “But, I figured I’m definitely finally ready. To — you know, shed my skin.. to let go…”
Man: “Of course.”
Woman: “I mean, I really feel I need it, you know. A new chapter… new job, new city… I’ve been here 8 months. And my mom just moved here… I mean, so many changes — I figured this is the best thing for it.”
Man: “Yeah, I definitely hear you there.”
Woman: “I mean, it will definitely be a rebirth… Literal and figurative (laughs).”
Man: “Oh, yeah, for sure…”
4 seconds of silence.
Woman: “So, you know, both nervous and excited.”
Man: “Of course, yeah, no. And she is DEFINITELY the person you want… Especially if it’s your first time…”
Woman: “Yeah, she seems great…”
Man: “I mean, what a character (what’s her name?)… Anyway, she’s been here a few years, and — like, literally everyone knows her… I mean, when she enters a room, you know? … I forget her backstory, but it’s pretty crazy too.”
Woman: “Yeah, no, a few people have recommended her already… We haven’t really spoken much yet… but she’s I guess like a spiritual guide right?”
Man: “Oh, yeah. And don’t worry. I have a few friends that she’s, you know, taken there… they all vouch for her… I haven’t, but, you know… I mean, you’ve met her… Aw, man… No, it will be great.”
Woman: “Oh, no, yeah — I’m sure it will. I’m excited about what I can find.”
Man: “Oh, definitely (pauses). First time, though, huh…”
Woman: “What? (stares blankly, smiling)“
4 seconds of silence.
Man: “No, it’ll be great. Don’t worry. Life-changing, for sure… You’ll be fine… It’ll be great.”
2 seconds of silence.
Woman: “Oh, yeah. No, I’m ready.”
4 seconds of silence.
Man: “Psilocybin is basically the internet of the Earth, you know.”
Woman: “Really?”
Man: “Oh, for sure…”
Not-so-high-end sauna downtown, Thursday, 12h30-12h33
The Language of Love (Feb 20, 2025)
Woman (Southern California accent): “…oh, ya, for sure. I just started — well, I just had, like, my third kizomba class.”
Man (semi-RP*): “Oh, nice! Where at?”
Woman: “You know the ____ dance studio? Up in, umm… Like, near here…”
Man: “Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, up there by the (points behind him with thumb).. yeah, of course… I actually took a few classes there last year myself.”
Woman: ”Oh, really? Nice!”
Man: “Yea… Samba… And you’re kizomba huh…”
Woman: “Samba’s really cool. But, yah, kizomba. Thought I’d try something new.”
Man: “Nice. You like it?”
Woman: ”Oh, it’s great. Challenging, but, like, really fun.”
Man: “Yea, it was fun (pauses for a few seconds introspectively)…but, I don’t know…”
Woman: “…yea?”
Man: “Well, to be honest, I stopped going after about a month or two…”
Woman (intrigued):: “Oh yeah?”
Man: “Yeah…”
3 seconds of silence.
Woman: “How come…? Didn’t like it?”
5 seconds of silence.
Man: ”No, I mean, I liked it, don’t get me wrong… But… I don’t know (pauses knowingly)… Well, to be quite honest… I found the people there are kind of… I dunno… I mean, generally, I can put up with a lot of attitude, you know? And I am usually very forgiving of other people’s behaviours — like, to a fault sometimes even, you know…”
Woman: “Ye…?”
Man: “But, like, honestly — I don’t know… but, yeah, one thing where I really draw the line is, like… arrogance… You know?”
Woman (understandingy): “Oh, yea — I know what you mean.”
Man: “Yeah…”
5 seconds of silence.
Woman: “I mean, yea, I totally get you… Although, I don’t know… I just started there, and they all seem really nice… But, again — I just started…so…”
Man: “Oh, no, of course. I mean, it all depends on the teacher… and the other students and the chemistry and the vibe, you know… But, I don’t know… It was a while back, so… But, yeah. The general vibe there… I just didn’t think it was cool, you know? Again — just… just really arrogant, you know?”
4 seconds of silence.
Woman (reflectively): “Yeah.”
2 seconds of silence.
Man (contemplatively): “Yeah… I’d just had enough I guess…Like, there’s no reason for it…”
5 seconds of silence.
Man: “But dancing is one of my love languages though…”
Woman (excitedly): “…oh yeah?”
Outdoor cafe in Cais do Sodre, Friday, 18h33-18h35
*From https://www.bbc.co.uk/voices/yourvoice/rpandbbc.shtml:
“Received Pronunciation, often abbreviated to RP, is an accent of spoken English. Unlike other UK accents, it’s identified not so much with a particular region as with a particular social group, although it has connections with the accent of Southern England. RP is associated with educated speakers and formal speech. It has connotations of prestige and authority, but also of privilege and arrogance.”
Biting The Coin (Feb 5, 2025)
Man 1 (slight German accent): “That guy ____, though…”
Man 2 (strong Irish accent): “Oh, yeaaa…”
Man 1: “Absolute legend, right?”
Man 2: “Aaw, man. Yeah. He’s great. You know we might be partnering up with him actually.”
Man 1: “Yea we hung out a bit after dinner, that Friday…? “
Man 2: “Nice-“
Man 1: “Yea we went to Bairro Alto… you know he like runs an NGO working with orphanages in like Africa too right?”
Man 2: “Right, yea, I remember he mentioned. Man, what a dude… aaw, he’s great.”
Man 1: “Yea. But, like — I don’t know… you know how he was saying that stuff about Bitcoin. You remember?”
2 seconds of silence.
Man 1: “When we were outside, and he was…”
Man 2 (remembers): “Oh, yeah… I mean, I don’t know.”
4 seconds of silence.
Man 2, reluctantly: “I mean-“
Man 1: “You remember what he said though?”
Man 2: “Yeah… you mean, like… how like it’s all meaningless?”
Man 1: “Yea, man. I mean… that was a bit odd, right? Like, how, like, the stock. Like how it all doesn’t really matter, the value…”
Man 2: “Yeah, I mean… I don’t know…”
Man 1: “I mean the thing is, like, I couldn’t really tell whether he was joking or not… you know?”
Man 2: “Yeah… I mean, yeah… I don’t really know where that came from.”
5 seconds of silence.
Man 1: “No but he’s great though. Absolute sweetheart…”
3 seconds of silence.
Man 2, reflectively: “… yea he’s an interesting one like…”
Train from Cais do Sodre to Cascais, Wednesday, 22h22-22h25
Very Zen (Jan 21, 2025)
Waitress: “…Oh, are you American?”
Woman 1: “…No, I’m Portuguese. But from Canada. But I live here.”
Waitress, smiles: “Ah…”
Woman 1: “And you? Nepal, right? I knew it… Oh, I work with a girl from Nepal. No, in America. How long are you here already? Two years! And you speak Portuguese?! No, very good! That’s very good… And you already speak three languages!…Ha-ha-ha!… Yeah. No, that’s great….”
Women 2, 3, and 4 (smiling), androgynous teenager (not smiling), and waitress (still smiling): “…”
Woman 1: “Well, obrigada…”
Waitress continues smiling and leaves. 5 seconds of silence follow.
Woman 2: “Have you been?”
Woman 1: “To Nepal? Oh, yeaaa… It’s beautiful…Very zen.”
8 seconds of silence.
Woman 3: “….like Switzerland?”
Woman 1: “What? No!… Very zen..”
5 seconds of silence.
Woman 1: “Zen. Like… very peaceful, very serene. The nature. The people…”
10 seconds of silence.
Woman 4: “The coffee here is really good…”
Outdoor cafe at Martim Moniz, Tuesday, 15h03-15h05
Silent Reflection (Jan 9, 2025)
Man 1 (seated in lotus position, hands in mudra, eyes open, staring straight ahead): “…mmmmm-ooooommmmm-mmmmmmmmmmmmm-mmmmm-mm…..uummmmmm…mm…”
Man 2 (seated at opposite end, upright, hands in different mudra, eyes closed): “phweee-whiiiii-phweee-phwooo…*” (*whistles a tune known only to him).
Man 1: “aaaaa-aaam-mmmmm-oooommmmmm-ooooo-mmmm-mmmmmmmmm-mmm…”
Man 2 continues freestyle whistling.
Man 1: “mmmmmmmmm…..eeeeemmmmmm…ooommmmm…..”
Man 2 continues freestyle whistling.
Man 1: “mmmm-aaaee…. hma-a-aaaaa-uuuu-ummmmm…mmmmm….”
Man 2 stops freestyle whistling.
Man 1: “mmmm-oommmmm….ooooo-AAMMMMMMM-mm-uuuummmmm-mmm…”
Man 2 resumes freestyle whistling.
Man 1: “mmm-oooommmmmm-ooooo-mmmmmmmmmmmmm-mmm…”
Man 2 continues freestyle whistling.
Man 1: “….mmmmm-uuuaAAAAaaammm-emmmmmmm-mmmMOOOMMMoo-ooommmm…”
Man 2 continues freestyle whistling.
Not-so-high-end sauna downtown, Monday, 11h04-11h08
FIM
