November 19, 2018 by The Atlas Team
The Page of Disquiet
Lisbon is getting busier. There are just far more people going about the city, living their lives, and getting in the way of yours.
Strangers do things that annoy us, make us laugh, and make us cry in this city. Here is the place to share your stories anonymously.
To do so, leave a comment and we’ll add it to the Page of Disquiet. Try to be… somewhat polite.
“I was walking down by Cais do Sodre the other day, and a man decided that a great place to take a picture of his girlfriend would be in the middle of the road. Not, like, a little artistic lean into the road for a decent shot, but straight up crouched on the tram tracks. No. People have to get to work.” — Anonymous 10/01/2018
“I wish this were a one-off, but it seems to happen every single day along R. do Poço dos Negros. It is a very small street. It is also a street along which the No. 28 tram travels. Now, this is already a bad situation, but do you know what makes it worse? Holding selfie sticks out of the window of a moving tram! Unless you are looking to recreate a WWF style clothesline, DON’T HOLD METAL BARS OUT THE WINDOW OF A MOVING TRAM!” — Anonymous 09/26/2018
“Is it just me or do those new segway-type things with the seat make the adventurers on them look like they’re taking a poo? Also, if you can’t be bothered to even stand on the stupid thing, maybe it’s best to stay home and take a virtual tour of Lisbon? And if you do go — save the planet, don’t use a hair net under your helmet!” — Anonymous 11/10/2018
“I have noticed that the more expensive a building, the less likely its residents — or their maids — are to use the multitude of garbage and recycling bins around, and right next to, their goddamn fortresses. Apparently, they think that someone else – me? – is supposed to pick up the garbage and throw it into the canister that it’s sitting RIGHT NEXT TO. Fortunately, of course, they have central air-conditioning and they’re parked in private garages, so they never have to deal with the flies and rats that these piles of expensive crap attract to the neighborhood. I like it because it reminds me of New York Shitty.” — Anonymous 11/10/2018
“My freshly-laundered sheets have been hanging in the rain for three days. I’ve given up hope of bringing them in and keep telling myself that all this rain is an artisanal rinse cycle.” — Anonymous 13/10/2018
“Nothing says ‘I spit on you from my pedestal of human blood and sweat that my ancestors have profited from’ like parking your shiny new Audi or Mercedez, likely claimed as a business expense, on the crosswalk or sidewalk, or, better yet, in the middle of a traffic circle. There is a vigilante in Lisbon, however. He’s not poking holes in their tires or urinating in their gas tanks yet, he’s just raising their windshield wipers. To let them know the rest of us are still here.” — Anonymous 11/13/2018
“I had a deadline to meet. I’m bad with those, so I wanted coffee. I was out of coffee, so I went to get one in a nearby cafe. The cafe was completely empty aside from three employees, all of whom seemed underworked and happy. When I ordered the coffee (nothing special, just an espresso), said employees became very concerned and proceeded to look very busy. I thought I had done something wrong but decided to stay quiet and just wait with a polite smile… The machines were making sounds and the employees came and went…
Five minutes later, I repeated my order because I saw another customer come in. Two of the employees gave me charming reassurance…
Fifteen minutes later, I stepped outside with my coffee to smoke a cigarette and calm my nerves.
I learned to always have coffee at my house when there are deadlines to be met.” — Anonymous 11/13/2018
“This isn’t so much a rant as a word of encouragement to all the visitors to our fine city who believe the only pastry to have here is located either behind the long line at Pasteis de Belem or the slightly shorter one at Manteigaria in “Time Out Market.” I salute you, fellow travelers, for letting us get our coffee and pastry without standing in a queue! Also, Grimaldi’s Pizza in Brooklyn is the only place they sell pizza in New York City. It’s true.” — Anonymous 11/14/2018
“What is it with the sparkly new restaurants who can’t fill a quarter of their seats but whose staff insist on asking you whether you have a reservation when you show up, and then look frantically around at all the empty tables before assuring you that, once they speak to their superior, they just may be able to secure a way for you give them your money? Did the velvet rope outside the door not work so well?” — Anonymous 11/14/2018